Goal: Make my own cleaning supplies

The goal of making my own cleaning supplies has a few drivers.

First, I've been "into" environmental issues since I was a little girl. I don't know why but the planet's health has always disturbed me. When I was nine I started a lunch recycling program at my school where food scraps went to local farmers and paper waste was saved from the general garbage cans. The program (called EAT - Everyone Accomplishing Together) still exists today but has expanded to include plastic and glass recycling.

Second, we are on a well and septic. Now that I actually own my own home I want to be sure that anything we put down the drain will have a minimal impact on our septic tank and the drain field.

Third, it saves money - like mad money.

After doing some research I've decided on making the following:

Laundry detergent
Dishwasher powder
Wool dryer balls
Glass cleaner
Scrubbing cleaning

TODAY'S MISSION: Laundry detergent

I've actually made my own laundry detergent in the past. It works well, doesn't leave potent smells, rinses clean, and is about $0.08/load. Essentially a batch of the recipe lasts about a year for us - two adults, no kids, five dogs, two cats. That being said one of the adults is a big outdoorsy type - so think dirt, mud, and hunting stains. 

A few years ago I thought I would have a blog where I would test a bunch of pins to see what I thought of them. Yeah, that lasted a few months... but one I keep going back to is the laundry detergent review I did:

http://purepindemonium.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-laundry-soap-diaries.html

This time around I used Dr. Bronner's rose soap and some beautiful purple jars. I had two boxes of the awesome plastic lids from a Manager's Special sale at QFC about four years ago - they are perfect!I'll be giving my mom a few too since she is also on septic and needs to pinch pennies since she's retiring in June.

Other cleaners

Since I was able to accomplish the laundry detergent today I found the recipes of the other cleaners I want to make and made a shopping list. As soon as these are done I'll post my accomplishments! 

Dishwasher powder
Wool dryer balls
Glass cleaner
Scrubbing cleaning

If you haven't noticed I kinda like her site...

Where it all began...

When I first started this blog my hope/expectation was to find a way to be happy and to accomplish my goals. Instead it became a brief and interruptable sounding board for my life's frustrations. Today, however, I feel more at ease - at peace. I'm finally in a place that promotes calm and creativity - I just need to accept these gifts which is harder than one would think. You go about "surviving" long enough you forget how choosing life works. So I'm bringing back the purpose for this blog - the goal setting, the accomplishments to live the life that I know I can.

To start I will include my large goals with any subset "bite size" pieces I am currently aware of that will promote goal completion. Any good life coach or mentor will tell you to choose your goals and then accomplish them through small tasks. I think I get so overwhelmed at the thought of goals and internalize the small steps so much that I essentially drive myself batty.

Goals, currently in no particular order

• Go to New Zealand in January 2017
• Go to Up Helly-a in January 2018
• Go to Zambia
• Go to Scotland
• Insulate the garage
• Harvest 300 pounds of food from my garden
• Build planter boxes
• Call for dirt delivery
• Planting guide
• Sell additional seedlings/plants/veggies
• Freeze all excess fruit from trees
• Stand-up freezer
• Make as many cleaners as possible
• Laundry detergent
• Scrub cleaner
• Window/mirror cleaner
• dryer balls
• Set up art room
• Rug hooking
• Learn to sew
• Build outdoor cat area
• Build deck in back
• Build wrap around deck
• Get a BBQ
• Buy my mom a new fridge, washer, dryer, stove, hood
• Payoff student loan
• Special project for Mercy
• Mom's surprise retirement party
• De-clutter everything
• Kitchen:
• Create a recipe folder/binder
• Drawer organizers
• Purge unneeded kitchen items
• Paper towel holder
• New fridge
• Built-in pantry area along orange wall
• Den:
• Organize paperwork (bills, house stuff, medical, etc)
• Scan what can be and load to external drive
• Get second bookcase - remove mismatched bookcases
• create built-in style
• New TV/Wall mount
• Build nicer indoor dog crate
• New couch
• cozy chairs
• Art Room: 
• storage! 
• Emails
• Unsubscribe from all unnecessary emails
• Bathrooms:
• Cleaning supply bucket in each bathroom
• Go through drawers
• Drawer organizers
• Laundry closet: 
• Storage!
• Upstairs hall closet
• build shelves
• Guest bedroom
• create office area in closet for Michael
• bed
• dresser
• decorations
• Set-up livingroom
• Jamberry sales
• Minimum monthly income of $200 - before my purchases
• Bake more bread
• sell extra loaves
• Learn to fiddle
• Move furniture from my mom's house
• Reduce my time away from home
• Lose 70 pounds
• Cut trails in back property
• Plant Christmas Tree
• Plant hedge bushes
• Michael's art
• Prints
• Etsy sales (determine sales goal)
• Money saving 
• meal prep
• bulk chicken
• farm raised meat
• Chickens! 
• Build loft
• learn about chicken raising
• sell extra eggs

This is just a preliminary list - I feel like every day I find something else I need to or want to do! Each day I'll work to dissect a goal and really plan out the steps - and maybe even mark some as accomplished! 

Here's to more productive life.  

Starting it all over

So the lapse in posting is simply due to moving.

After a fiasco and firing the realtor and firing my finance agent both due to extreme incompetence and losing what was the house of my dreams...

well.

Something amazing happened.

I found a house better than the house of my dreams. And I bought it.

Three days before we were to list grandma's house (fighting the whole time with "his" mom about it), something amazing happened... we received a letter from grandma's care center forcing a sale on the home.

I had an original goal of moving out by August 31st.

September 2nd the old house closed.

Granted it wasn't nearly that easy. There were many fights with the new realtor, packing, a ridiculous amount of painting and learning that home remodel isn't for me - but those are other stories I'll get to later.

For now it is an amazing sensation to want to go home after work. To miss my home when I'm gone.

I think some would call me happy.

Packing and moving

So many ups and downs.

Grandma's insurance dropped her because she wasn't doing PT. Well, she has dementia...so of course she wasn't.

Now suddenly the house has to sell.

I have no down payment.

We have too many animals.

The loan I can get takes three times longer than a standard loan.

My house requests are 4+ acres (because of the animals) and it must be on a specific side of a highway (yes, for the loan). My realtor just sent a (beautiful) home on 1/2 an acre, corner lot, on the wrong side of the highway.

Shoot me.

SO right now I have no where to live. A loan that may, or may not, happen, and realtor who just doesn't get it.

Anxiety attack on standby. And 4....3....2...

Learned today that grandma (who fell again) is now refusing physical therapy so her insurance will be dropping her. What that means is that we (the beau and are) are potentially up a creek. I have no money available for a down payment on a house and have less than idea credit. He has no credit. We have five dogs so finding a simple rental isn't in the process.
So I am now in the process of finding everything we could potentially sell  including my car to have enough for any type of down payment. I know I'm not supposed to contingency plan but how can you not?! This is my life. Not the life I ever wanted or expected but this shit keeps happening - over and over. I cannnnnnnot get ahead. Just when I think I can it all falls apart. Oh, heat pump? $8,000, next month new tired $775, next month move $250,000. yeah. no f-ing biggy.
FML.

Some days aren't so bad

I hope to learn to have more of those - non bad days. Focus on things that are positive instead of having the emotional slide when something goes wrong. Last night I played volleyball which I haven't done in over a month. It was good. I found out a friend is unexpectedly having her first baby. This was great news. My beau and I went to an amazing buffet dinner and played some slots. Even though we didn't win it was great.

Then this morning I got a message from the cable company wanting to discuss my concerns about billing. Immediate downward spiral. Instantly I fell into a deep depression. I thought this was all going to be taken care of. I thought they would just do the right thing and send me a refund. But instead I have to call, which is a high anxiety issue for me, and I instantly started planning for the person to belittle me and be an a$#hole. This tension is the sweat down the back, heart flutter, can't breathe type thing.

I had therapy today so didn't call him back. After talking with her I have a plan of action to take control of the situation. but I'm still terrified.

Therapy was very helpful today. We went through a totally random dream I had where I was stabbing Mike Meyers with a fork - HA! Now the other details of the dream were extremely important and helpful for seeing what some of my triggers might be. Next week we will start going through triggers and how to start changing my understanding of them in relation to my current life.

Work this week is 62 hours. I'm 1/3 of the way through. Up at 4am so I'm a gonna peace out.

You know that feeling?

The one where you've put off something for years - let's say seven years - because you're messed up and any type of confrontation sets you on an instant spiral into tears and self hate - even though you did nothing wrong. It's just the reaction you have thanks to PTSD.
and then when, thanks to the support of someone amazing, you take care of the issue and suddenly can move on.

That's me right now. Seven years ago I moved and my roommate took over the cable bill. They sent someone out, changed out the machine, gave them a new phone number, and never cancelled my account even though they said they would and later had. So fast forward seven years and the money was still being taken monthly from my account. Unless you understand my level of pure, gripping fear of talking to the cable company and the issues surrounding PTSD you will never, ever understand the pure torment I lived in for all of these years - including four months when I was unemployed and watching every single penny - knowing that the monthly charge was still coming. To anyone who is saying "idiot" you have no concept of how or why this was so difficult for me.

But it is past.

Today I took in my tax returns from 2008 to prove that I hadn't lived at the address since 2008 AND they were able to see in their files that TWO consecutive accounts were running - one was mine that THEY never deleted and the other was the ROOMMATES that was set-up after I left. Someone had set up two identical addresses in the system.

Account deleted!

Monthly savings diverted to something I want - a trip.

Truthfully I hope they reimburse me EVERYTHING they have ever over charged me but in reality I doubt that will happen. At this point I am using it as a money saver. Keeping my hard earned money with ME. I have been using my CBT/ABCDs as much as possible through this issue and through my massive anxiety attack today - shaking, sweating, hyperventilating, and nearly passing out.
A ctivating event: having the cable company bill me again - having to go talk to the cable company
B elief system - companies are out to get you. I will be treated as an incompetent person and my integrity will be questioned. I will be told I am wrong even though I am in the right.
C onsequnces (emotional) of A/B - belittlement of self, anger, frustration, embarrassment, distrust, anxiety
D isputing irrational thoughts and beliefs - I have no idea who I will be working with or their reaction to my situation. Without the monthly financial burden I will feel better about my money management. It is my money and I have done nothing wrong.
E ffects (emotional and cognitive) of revised beliefs - sense of empowerment, accomplishment, relaxed, calm

And the beat goes on...